This is what I am telling myself to keep me sane. The reality is it’s 2pm and I have only had a lemon juice, a latte and a green smoothie. My children have had their breakfast. I often feel like other mothers are doing better than me.
It’s easy to hear advice from well meaning relatives, friends and content creators on how to finish their morning routine by 10am. However, I’m only getting part of the story and for us aspies, context is everything as we tend to take most things literally.
Most mothers do not have sensory and executive functioning issues as well as having to parent a toddler who also has these issues. I have to also balance the needs of my very active toddler against my 7 month old who only sleeps for 30 minutes and wakes up crying because she’s alone.
At the end of the day, I’m in charge of what I consume. This is why I don’t look at my social media first thing and pray first thing instead. I won’t go into that any further as I wrote a post on that here https://autisticworkingmum.co.uk/make-time-dont-waste-it/. I knew the title of this post derived from the following Bible verse.
We do not have the audacity to put ourselves in the same class or compare ourselves with some who [supply testimonials to] commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they lack wisdom and behave like fools.”
2 Corinthians 10:12 AMP
https://bible.com/bible/1588/2co.10.12.AMP
I find this verse reassuring. Logically I am wise enough to know that the majority of the advice I receive and the content I consume does not literally apply to me. That doesn’t stop me occasionally wishing my mornings were more predictable. I’m only human after all and I’m giving myself permission to feel these feelings.
I have also been praying for wisdom to apply the above verse to my current season of life. This is finding pockets of time to regulate myself. This normally happens when both children are asleep. I’ll take 15 minutes to have breakfast, lunch or some tea and cake and watch a funny YouTube video or Netflix show to switch off. Today, I watched a video reviewing Britain’s most unpopular restaurants.
I also apply this pockets of time mantra to chores. In 5 minutes I can sweep the kitchen and living room. In 5 minutes I can gain momentum with washing the dishes (no dishwasher yet) or put a laundry load on and mop the kitchen. This morning I managed to put a pre-loaded washing machine on, mop the kitchen and upstairs bathroom during the 15 minutes my oldest was drinking her milk after waking up.
In terms of challenges, my oldest has already had two timeouts: the first for messing with her dad’s laptop and the second for throwing the clothes pegs on the floor and using her sisters walker. I wanted to go to church this morning but the reality for us is we need to plan a week or two in advance.
We need to contact the church ahead of time to ask about quiet areas, parking and crèches. My daughter’s large pushchair needs to be loaded as she almost ran into a church service the first time we attended as a family of four. Honestly, I feel like I’ve lived 10 lives today.
In summary, don’t get caught up in what others do and beat yourself up for not measuring up. As grand slam champion Arthur Ashe said,
“Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.”